


Bartender, Waiter, Musician or?

by tooberjoober



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: M/M, speakeasy au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-05-24 05:38:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 18,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6143233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tooberjoober/pseuds/tooberjoober
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James didn't know what to expect when he moved to New York. Never in his wildest dreams did he expect to find himself in a speakeasy sitting across from a man who looked like he was either going to start threatening him or flirting with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome to the Revolutionary Family

**Author's Note:**

> So…I have no clue where I'm going with this. I just love stuff set in the 1920s. Warnings may change, but I'll always be sure to update them if they do! But yeah so I don't 100% know where I'm going with this and I'm not sure when I'll update it, but I hope you like it!

James hadn’t been in New York for more than three days. He was still looking for a job and a place where he could find a drink.

He walked down the street with his jacket thrown over his shoulder. It had been another long day of job interviews. A beautiful young woman in a bright red dress came stumbling down the road. She bumped into James and fell over.

“Pardon me, miss, are you alright?” He asked, extending his hand to help her up.

“I'm…I’m fine.” She said, accepting his hand and getting to her feet. “I’m Maria.” She said, flashing a blinding smile.

“James.” He said returning her smile with a timid one of his one.

“Well James,” She said. “I was just on my way to get a drink. Would you like to join me?” She asked flirtatiously.

“I’d love to.” Perhaps his luck was finally looking up.

The girl led him to a nearby bookstore. There were shelves overflowing with books. James would have been happy to peruse the selection for a while, but Maria was more interested in getting to the back. Behind a bookshelf in the back of the store was a door. The cashier unlocked the door and the pair went inside.

The room was unlike anything James had ever seen before. It was big, much bigger than the bookstore was. It was dark, there were no windows that he could see. There was a bar on one wall, then half of the room was devoted to tables, and the final half had a stage with a live band and an area in front of it where people could dance.

Maria pulled James to the bar. She sat down at the bar and then ordered them two drinks. For about an hour or so they sat together, talking flirting, drinking. Then Maria stood up and excused herself to go to the bathroom.

James waited for her to come back. After half an hour of waiting he decided to shrug it off and pay for their drinks. Only one problem…his wallet, which didn’t have much in it to begin with, was gone. James cursed under his breath. She must have grabbed it from his jacket at some point.

“Hello, sir.” James said to the bartender sighing. “I’m sorry, but I can’t pay for my drinks.”

The bartender rolled his eyes. “Maria Reynolds?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes! How did you know?” James asked.

“Her asshole of a husband beats her into cheating men outta their money.” The bartender explained, putting down the glass he was drying. “One second, I’ll go talk to the owner.”

James sat nervously at the bar. He tapped his fingers against the counter, unsure what he would do. His wallet had all his money in it. What was he going to do? Without a job, without any friends or family that could help him out? God he needed another drink.

The bartender came back with a slightly worried expression on his face. “He wants to speak with you.” He said, nodding to a man sitting at a table.

James walked over to the man, trying not to feel intimidated. The man had an imposing figure, despite the fact that he was hunched over the table. He was wearing black suspenders over a white shirt, his jacket thrown over the chair. He had a black fedora over a head of tightly wound curls.

“The bartender said you wanted to speak to me?” James said, feeling quite proud that he was able to keep his composure as well as he did.

The man looked at James from underneath the brim of his hat. He pushed the brim back and James got a better look at his face. He had light brown colored skin and eyes a shade or two darker. A bit of stubble touched his face, but it suited him well.

“Yes. I heard you can’t pay?” The man said, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes, you see a girl I met stole my wallet and-” James began to explain.

The other man raised a finger, signaling for James to shut up. “You can’t pay.” The man sighed and shook his head. He clucked his tongue and looked at James. “But you are pretty cute.” He said, thoughtfully.

“I’m what?” James demanded, confused and slightly frustrated.

“You’re cute.” The other man said again, a bit more forcefully. “I’m sure I can find something around here for you to do.” He said, thoughtfully

James was still stuck on the ‘you’re cute’ part of the conversation. “I am not going to be your whore!” He spluttered out indignantly.

The man rolled his eyes. “I meant as a bartender or a waiter or some shit like that.” He smirked, leaning forward. “Although I wouldn’t be opposed if you wanted to become my whore.”

“Thanks but no thanks.” James scowled. “I’m not going to fuck you and I’m not going to work for you either.” He stood and grabbed his jacket, but the owner of the bar snapped his fingers and James was grabbed by two men.

“I’m afraid not paying is not an option, cher.” The owner said, standing and walking in front of James. James gulped and looked up at the man. He was taller than James thought. “So what’ll it be? Bartender, waiter, musician, whore?” The man asked, lowering his voice near the end of the sentence.

“Waiter.” James frowned, avoiding the man’s gaze.

“And what is our new waiter’s name?” The owner asked, a smile crossing his face.

“Madison. James Madison.”

“Jefferson.” The owner introduced himself. “Welcome to the Revolutionary family.”


	2. Intimidating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! I had more homework than preferable. Also sorry that it's so short! I promise the next one will be longer!  
> Also I feel like it's important to note that with the way I imagine the characters I sorta mix their historical and musical versions. So like mostly musical way except historical height (idk why it's just how I think of them)  
> So yeah! Anyway, enjoy!

James didn't know what to expect. He spent the morning preparing himself for whatever was in store for him. He dressed relatively plainly in a white button down and black slacks. He had his sleeves rolled up, showing off some of his strong arms. 

He took a deep breath and headed out the door, as ready as he could be for whatever happened next. The store was a couple of blocks away and James was thankful for the time he had to clear his head. 

He had headed to New York in the hopes of finding inspiration for a novel and a good steady job. Well, a week in and he lost all his money and he found an illegal job where his boss probably only hired him to convince him to sleep with him. Perfect, every man's dream. 

James sighed looking up at the bookstore. The place was called The Revolution. With a name like that for a bookstore how had no one gotten suspicious? He sighed again, opening the door. He walked to the back where a cashier stood reorganizing some books. "Hello, I'm a new employee." James greeted the man. 

"Oh hello." The man said cheerfully. "You must be the one Mr. Jefferson told me about." He led James to the secret door. "I'm Aaron Burr." The man introduced himself, opening the door. "I work at the bookshop part." He explained. "I can tell you're gonna love it here." He promised. 

"Oh really?" James raised an eyebrow. "What's the pay like?" 

"Pretty good, actually." Aaron responded, stopping in front of a new door. "This is Mr. Jefferson's office. Good luck." Aaron patted James' shoulder before rushing back to the bookshop. 

James paused briefly to wonder what Aaron had meant when he wish him good luck. He suddenly felt woefully unprepared. But he realized that there was nothing he could really do, except turn the knob and open the door. 

He was immediately affronted by the smell of cigar smoke mixing with expensive cologne. The room was lavishly decorated, with dark brown wood underfoot and red walls. A desk sat in the center of the room, papers, several books and a small cigar box scattered across it. Two plush chairs were in front of the desk, one behind it, and a couch pressed against a wall by another door, presumably to a bathroom or something similar. The wall across from the door had a large window, currently covered by curtains and paintings on either side of it. 

The final thing James noticed about the room was his new boss, his shirt was unbuttoned and his sleeves rolled up, revealing the man's massive muscles. James was transfixed and admittedly intimidated. He couldn't imagine why, this guy needed bodyguards, who surprisingly weren't to be seen. 

Jefferson glanced over his shoulder and smiled. "Good morning." He greeted cheerfully, stepping around his desk, walking in front of James, and offering his hand. James came to the realization, looking up at the man, that the man was impressive, to say the least. 

"I didn't imagine you as a morning person." James said, shaking his hand and trying to meet the man's eyes. He refused to be too intimidated by him. 

Jefferson shrugged. "That isn't the first time I've heard that." He turned and leaned against his desk. "So, are you ready for training?" Jefferson asked, rolling his sleeves down and buttoning his shirt. 

James' eyes followed Jefferson's as they moved up his shirt. "Sure." He responded, tearing his eyes away from the other man's chest. "How much training do I need?" He asked. 

"Not much." Jefferson responded. "But we like to start early to make sure you know what you're doing." He explained. "Follow me." He kicked off of the desk and walked out the door, leaving James behind. 


	3. In Which They Clarify Who Is Interested In Whom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got this one out a bit faster and it was a bit longer woohoo! Also this chapter gives a bit of insight into Tommy's thoughts ooooh.  
> And I don't know what I did with the chapter title. I couldn't think of anything particularly witty or significant, so you're stuck with that mess.  
> And lastly I really want to thank everyone that leaves comments or kudos, it really makes my day every time I see those :D

James finished his training relatively quickly. He was a bit surprised that it was Jefferson that was teaching him, but he guessed he couldn’t exactly tell someone to come in early to train him. They finished early, so Jefferson asked James to help clean dirty dishes from the night before. “So what time do we open?” James asked, taking a dirty glass out of the sink to rinse it.

“Two.” Jefferson responded, drying off a plate. He glanced at James. “So I know working here wasn’t your plan, do you have a job lined up for after your bill is paid?” He asked.

“No.” James admitted.

“You can work here until you find one.” Jefferson said.

James looked suspiciously up at his boss. “I told you I’m not interested in you.” He frowned.

“I’m not flirting with you.” Jefferson scoffed. “I could always use a bit more help around here. Especially cute help.” He smirked, leaning closer to James. “That time I was flirting.”

James huffed. “I’m not interested in you.” He reiterated. “But I am in the job.” He sighed. “Thank you.”

“You know a better way to thank me.” Jefferson grinned, a mischevious sparkle in his eyes.

James huffed again, and put a newly clean glass down on the counter. “Why do you think that I’m interested in men?” James demanded.

Jefferson raised an eyebrow, surprised. “You’re not?” He asked.

“No!” James exclaimed. “What in the hell gave you that idea?”

Jefferson frowned thoughtfully for a moment, leaning against the counter. “Well usually if I call a man cute and he’s not interested, he would not answer by talking about having sex with me.” He turned and started washing dishes again. “And are you telling me that you weren’t enjoying the view this morning?” Jefferson asked.

“What the hell do you mean?” James demanded, turning and returning to the pile of dirty dishes in front of him.

Jefferson rolled his eyes, letting out a chuckle. “I saw you staring. If it wasn’t at my chest, it was my arms or my eyes.”

“That doesn’t mean…” James shook his head. “Whatever.”

“So,” Jefferson began after several awkwardly silent moments. “What would you like to do? As a job I mean.”

“I told you.” James snapped. “Hell we did the training for me to be a waiter.”

“No I meant your ideal job.” Jefferson corrected, his volume unchanged, despite James’ attitude.

“Oh…” James trailed off, looking at the dish in his hands. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine. I should’ve been clearer.” Jefferson said flashing a blinding smile at James. James stayed quiet for a moment. “So? What would you like to do?” His boss prompted again.

“I’d like to be an author.” James admitted. “The bookstore is quite impressive.” He said.

“Thank you.” Jefferson said. “I tend to stock more of my favorites than others.” He looked at the clock hanging on the wall and dried his hands off on a towel. “We’re about to open.” He said. “We’re hosting an important party tonight, so I best go change.” He walked to the door, before pausing. “I know you’re new, but I better not hear that you make any big mistakes.” He threatened.

“What would happen if I did?” James asked, a tinge of nervousness in his voice.

Jefferson didn’t say anything. Merely smirked and winked at James, before walking out of the room.

Thomas stepped out of his office, now dressed in his favorite suit, black slacks and a purple jacket. He looked around at the club as people started trickling in. The band had started warming up and they looked like they were almost ready to start their set. Thomas walked down to the bar, “The usual.” He ordered, and soon he was greeting guests with a glass of whiskey in his hand.

“Hello, Tommy.” An intimidating woman in a red flapper’s dress and headband walked up to him.

“Angelica.” Thomas smiled. “How is your party?”

“The party hasn’t even started yet.” She grinned. “Everything’s all set right?”

“Your favorite drinks and meals are being prepared and the band knows your favorite songs and can play them decently.” Thomas said, rolling his eyes. “Do you really not have any faith in me?”

“Of course I do.” Angelica said rolling her eyes. “Now, where’s the current love of your life?” She asked, clapping her hands together.

“Oh come on, Angie. I don’t-” Angelica cut him off with a suspicious look. “I don’t call them the loves of my life.” He muttered, crossing his arms.

“Who is he? Or she?” Angelica asked again.

“He is a waiter here, but I don’t want you talking to him.” Thomas said.

“Why not?” Angelica pouted. “Can I at least see him?”

“Angie he’s interested in women.” Thomas hissed. “Or at least he says he is.”

“Tommy, you can’t go around trying to seduce a bunch of guys who aren’t interested.” Angelica sighed. “Why not find a nice person that actually likes you and settle down?”

“You know how well that shit goes.” A frown crossed Thomas’ face. He quickly replaced it with another smile. “Besides, he says he’s straight, but he certainly enjoys staring at me.” Thomas smirked. “He couldn’t keep his beautiful eyes off of me this morning.”

Angelica rolled his eyes. “Will you please at least point him out to me?” She asked, crossing her arms.

“Alright, alright.” Thomas sighed. He led her to a table and gestured for James to come over.

James was a tad overwhelmed. People were rushing in, some of them were already on the dance floor, others sitting at the bar, and then even more waiting to be served at the tables. One of the people at the tables was of course his boss. But he was sitting with a beautiful woman. And he was calling James over.

James walked over to the table and bowed his head slightly. “Good evening, Mr. Jefferson. Is this Mrs. Jefferson?” He asked, looking curiously at the woman.

Jefferson looked horrified. “No way in hell!” He exclaimed, indignantly.

The woman laughed. “He wishes!”

“Oh?” James raised an eyebrow. “Well then who might you be, miss?”

“Angelica Schuyler. This is my party.” She said, gesturing around.

“Schuyler?” James asked, his jaw dropping in awe. “Like the rich senator?” He asked.

“The very same.” She grinned. She turned to Jefferson. “I like him. I can tell he’s intimidated.”

“Excuse me?” James demanded.

“He’s intimidated by me too.” Jefferson pointed out, almost as if he was jealous.

James sighed and rolled his eyes. “Do you guys want to order something or what?” He asked irately.

“Of course!” Thomas scoffed. “We didn’t just call you over so you could gawk at Angelica.”

“That’s just a perk.” Angelica winked. The pair put in their orders and James left, wondering how the hell he was gonna keep this job.


	4. Doomed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's pretty early up again!!! Also it's a good length (I've been trying for about 1,000 words per chapter) Hooray!!! So yeah enjoy and I'll get the next chapter up whenever I can! Also again thanks so much for the comments and kudos, I love seeing them! :D

James walked around the room, taking guests' orders and serving them. After he dropped off Angelica and Jefferson's food, he tried to avoid their table. Both parts of the pair were quick witted, intimidating, and rather pleasing to look at, although he would never admit it, and they left James feeling quite overwhelmed. He wished nothing more than for the evening to be over or to have a drink in his hand. And one of the other waiters said he had to come in in the morning to help clean.

* * *

Thomas woke up with a pounding headache. He sat up slowly in his bed, pushing a women's arm off of his chest. He yawned and stretched, kicking his feet over the side of his bed. He sure knew how to throw a party. Which meant he also knew how to fix the effects of a great party. 

Thomas got up unsteadily to his feet. He looked around the bed for his clothes, finally finding his underwear near the foot of the bed. He put it on, deciding to forgo the pants and shirt for right now. He stumbled through to the kitchen to make himself a pot of coffee. He cradled the warm cup in his hands, feeling his hangover begin to stagger and stumble away. 

There was a distant knock on his office door and the headache came running back. Thomas groaned, dragging himself to his feet and to the door that connected his office and living areas to the speakeasy and bookstore. He threw open the door, expecting to see Burr ready to ask some dumb question, but he was greeted by someone different. 

* * *

"You're almost naked." James said, startled. A light pink tinge came to his cheeks and he tried to avoid looking anywhere below Jefferson's eyes. 

"Good morning to you too, sweet pea." Jefferson said sarcastically, rolling his eyes and nursing his coffee cup. 

"Morning?" James asked, raising an eyebrow. "It's almost noon." He said, following Jefferson into his office and allowing himself a quick glance over the man's body. He felt a chill run down his spine. _Damn. He did have a nice physique…_ James shook his head, trying to get the thought out of his head. It didn't work. 

"It's morning whenever I get up." Jefferson answered, falling into his chair and propping his feet up on his desk. "Now what did you want on this lovely morning?" He said placing stress on the word morning. "I suppose you didn't come in, simply to stare at me? Although if you'd like to, I'm not opposed." He winked, sipping from his cup. 

"No." James scowled. "One of the other waiters told me to come in early to help clean up, but no one else was here." 

Jefferson raised an eyebrow. "You honestly fell for that shit?" He cracked a smile. "Sorry, doll, but they played you."

"Fuck." James whined, falling into a chair across from Jefferson. "So I guess I'm supposed to do it all myself now." 

"Yep." Jefferson smiled, cheekily. "Get to it, doll." He sipped his coffee. 

"That's not all I wanted to talk to you about." James said, frowning. "My pay. You never told me how much I'm getting. When is my bill paid off?" He asked. 

"Oh." Jefferson waved his hand. "You'll have your bill paid off by the end of the week." He promised. "After that you'll be getting seventy five cents an hour, seven fifty a day." 

"Seven fifty?" James asked surprised. "That's generous of you, Mr. Jefferson." 

"Business is good, and I take care of my people." The man shrugged, finishing off his coffee. "Also, you can call me Thomas." He smiled, kindly. 

"Is that a privilege you extend to all of your employees, Mr. Jefferson?" James asked, standing and crossing his arms. 

"Only the cute ones, James." Jefferson flirted. "And speaking of cute ones, I think I still have one in my bed." He stood and stretched, heading to the door that lead to his living quarters. "See you later James." He saluted and winked, and then he was gone, leaving James with an odd feeling in the pit of his stomach.

* * *

"And then he fucking winked at me!" James huffed. He had begun ranting to Lafayette, the waiter that tricked him into coming in early, and Hercules Mulligan, the bartender that was used to people ranting to him. "He's such an asshole." He muttered. 

"Are you bothered by the fact that he had a partner over?" Lafayette asked, curiously. 

James looked at him indignantly. "No! Why would I be?" 

Lafayette shot a knowing glance to Mulligan. "I get it." He said, raising his hands up in surrender. "You're not interested, but Monsieur Jefferson…he doesn't take rejection very likely." 

"He'll respect your boundaries, but he's gonna keep flirting until he gets what he wants." Mulligan explained, wiping off a glass. "Whether it's a kiss, or a night, or a week." 

"You've got to be careful though." Lafayette advised. "I've seen a fair number of people working here quitting and running off in tears." He sighed. "They fall head over heels for him. Then one day they wake up and he tells them he's done." 

"I'm not interested in him!" James exclaimed. He put his head in his hands. "Why doesn't anyone listen to me?" 

"Mon ami," Lafayette said, throwing an arm around James' shoulders. "Tell me this. You have seen him bare chested, oui?" 

"Yes." James responded, unsure of where the Frenchman was going with this. 

"Then congratulations, my friend," Lafayette said cheerfully, clapping James on the shoulder. "You are doomed." 

"What do you mean?" James asked, frowning. 

Lafayette and Mulligan groaned. "He's gorgeous." Mulligan said. 

"Haven't you found yourself marveling at his physique? His arms, his chest…" 

"His ass?" Mulligan interjected. 

Lafayette snorted out a laugh, but nodded. "Oui, his ass." 

James raised an eyebrow. "No." He lied, but they didn't need to know he wasn't being truthful. "I'm going back to work." He starting to walk away. 

Lafayette and Mulligan exchanged a look. "Doomed." They agreed. 


	5. Second Chance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm pretty proud of this despite the fact that I had a shit ton of writer's block. Yeah, so thanks for reading, I hope you like it, and thanks to everyone who leaves comments and kudos! <3

“Do I look like a James to you?” A woman shouted, hurrying around Thomas’ room gathering her clothes and putting them on.

“I didn’t mean- I said Jamie!” Thomas huffed, rolling over in the bed to watch her. He got to his feet and offered his arms to her. “I’m sorry babe.”

“Jamie’s not my name either, jackass!” The woman shouted, storming over to him and slapping him. She walked to the door and hurried out, flipping Thomas off as she went.

“Hey, it’s better than James!” Thomas called after her indignantly. He sighed, falling back onto his bed. He touched his cheek, which was stinging. If he was honest, he deserved that.

Just seeing James and then going back to whats-her-name, it was a recipe for disaster. He didn’t even have the alcohol to blame this time. It was all him and his stupid pining.

The door to his room opened and Thomas quickly moved to grab his underwear and cover himself. Angelica walked in looking like she had just heard the best news.

“Guess who I just ran into?” She grinned, turning around, allowing for Thomas to pull on his underwear.

“I would guess, but I don’t remember her name.” Thomas grumbled.

“You called her James!” Angelica burst out into laughter. “You’re so fucking desperate, Tommy!”

“You think I don’t know?” Thomas scowled, crossing his arms. He sighed, walking over to rummage through his drawers for a pair of pants. “This is just like the other times. I just need one night, then I’ll be back to normal.” He assured himself.

“And what if he’s good?” Angelica asked, raising an eyebrow. “What if among all his cries of ‘I don’t like men!’ you find that he’s a nice guy? What if you need up falling for him? And what if you end up wanting to finally settle down?”

“That won’t happen again.” Thomas snapped. “You only get one person like that in a lifetime and she’s long gone, Angie.” Thomas put on the pair of pants and went searching for a shirt.

“I believe in second chances.” Angelica smiled, moving to stand behind Thomas. “You’re not a bad person, Thomas, you deserve some happiness.” She touched his shoulder.

“My happiness died when she did.” Thomas snapped.

Angelica sighed, walking away from him. “You’re such a fucking downer!” She rolled her eyes. “Thomas look around! We’re so lucky to be alive right now!” She exclaimed. “Take a chance and stop being such a pessimistic asshole!”

Thomas quickly turned around and pointed an accusatory finger at Angelica. “Don’t you fucking tell me to settle down! How long has your dad been trying to tell you it’s time to start a family? How many guys have you redirected to your sisters? Well guess what Angie? Liza’s taken now! But you’re still just as alone as me!” Thomas shouted, now breathing heavily.

“You see Thomas, there’s one very big difference between the two of us.” Angelica said in a softer tone. “I don’t mind being alone in that way. I’m happy to just be living here with my friends and family.” She smiled, sadly. “I don’t know what romantic love feels like. You, on the other hand, have tasted that forbidden fruit and you’re constantly searching for a second bite.”

“I don’t want anyone else.” Thomas snapped.

“Okay, okay.” Angelica sighed. “So what’re you gonna do about the waiter?” She asked, in an attempt to change the subject.

“I have an idea…”

* * *

 

James was almost done with work. He was helping Lafayette clean up and counting up his tips when Jefferson approached him with an odd expression. He almost looked sad or apologetic or even like he was in pain. James hoped briefly that he was coming to talk to Lafayette, but with a pointed look from Jefferson, the Frenchman was gone.

Jefferson looked at James before closing his eyes and running his hands through his hair. “Listen…I know you don’t like me.”

“Really? And I was trying so hard to hide my distaste.” James retorted, proud of his quick wit.

“I don’t exactly know why.” Jefferson admitted. “The fact that I am attracted to you, the fact that I like men, that I myself can be considered attractive, that I’m relatively successful, or maybe any of these things combined.” James briefly wondered why he hated his boss. Then he remembered the man’s constant attempts at flirtation, which were unsolicited and inappropriate.

“But all the same, I’m asking you, or rather, begging you for one night.” James’ eyes widened and Jefferson cringed briefly at his own words. “Bad wording.” He apologized. “I meant something along the lines of dinner.”

“Thank you, but I’m not interested.” James said, taking off his apron and putting it up. He started towards the door.

Jefferson smiled coldly. “Okay. Well how are you enjoying your job here, James?” He asked with a mischevious sparkle in his eyes. James stopped in his tracks.

“You manipulative bastard.” James muttered, turning to face his boss.

“It could be worse.” Jefferson shrugged, smirking over at James. “I could make you pay for it.”

James sighed, clenching his fists. “Fine.”

“Great. Swing by my office at around seven tomorrow.” Jefferson smiled. “Dress nicely.” He winked, leaving the room.

* * *

 

James couldn’t remember a single time that he felt more uncomfortable than he did that night. He dressed up in his nicest suit and went to Jefferson’s office, knocking and praying that he wouldn’t find his boss half naked again. Jefferson wasn’t naked this time, but the way he was dressed made James feel just as uncomfortable. A perfectly tailored suit that hugged the man’s body in all the right ways, complimenting his broad shoulders and strong arms.

Jefferson dragged him to a very nice French restaurant. It was a big place with many tables, but they were taken to a secluded corner. A candle and a rose sat in the middle of the table, on top of a fancy red tablecloth that was embroidered with gold flowers. Two glasses and a bottle of wine in front of the two chairs. James had never been somewhere like this before.

Things didn’t get much better for James once they sat down either. Everything on the menu was over thirty dollars and the thought that Jefferson could hold that over him made his stomach turn. He didn’t feel like drinking, but the bottle of wine was already ordered and he would’ve felt rude if he didn’t have at least one glass.

They ordered and Jefferson offered a bit of smalltalk, but James still felt uncomfortable with the silence. “So…uh when did you realize you were interested in men?” James asked, tapping his fingers nervously against the table.

“It was after my wife died.” Jefferson responded quickly, looking down at his glass of wine like it was suddenly incredibly interesting.

“Oh…um I’m sorry.” James said, glancing up at the man. “I didn’t mean to…”

Jefferson waved a hand. “It’s fine. You didn’t do anything.”

“Wait…” James trailed off. “Were you, uh, attracted to her?” He asked, confused. “Can you do that?”

Jefferson laughed. “I don’t know if I can, but I sure as hell do. Men, women, I go for whatever I want. And usually I get it.” He added with a wink.

“No offense to you, Mr. Jefferson, but again I’m not really interested.” James said, taking a tentative sip of his wine. It was really good.

“That’s what all the men say at the beginning.” Jefferson responded, uninterestedly. “And I don’t expect anything but dinner.” He insisted.

“You promise you won’t hold this over me, right?” James asked.

Jefferson looked offended. “I may seem like an asshole, and I probably am, but I’m not that bad.” He sighed. “I’m not going to fire you, or penalize you at work. And if by the end of the night you’re still completely uninterested, I won’t pursue you anymore. Okay?”

James wasn’t sure if he believed him. He shot a suspicious glance at him. “Alright.”


	6. Something Wrong

Something was wrong. Something was _very_ wrong. More wrong than anything that had happened previously this night, or this week.

The waiter had returned to the table where James and Jefferson sat. James hadn't paid particular attention to the waiter before, and neither had Jefferson. But now, Jefferson's attention was entirely on the waiter. James scrutinized the man. He wasn't very tall, only a bit taller than James, with dark brown hair and slightly tanned skin. He looked innocent and he had a kind smile on his face. Jefferson spoke to the man as if they were good friends and the man responded in the same manner. Not only were they speaking with this familiarity, but Jefferson was flirting and the waiter responded in kind.

This was wrong. James was uncomfortable, watching their interaction and that was even _more_ wrong. He shouldn't be uncomfortable or upset. He didn't want to be here and he certainly didn't care what, or rather who, Jefferson did. But all the same, watching them talk and flirt felt so wrong.

In a seemingly endless moment the waiter was gone again, leaving Jefferson and James alone once again. "I don't believe that was particularly appropriate." He muttered, glaring daggers into his entree.

"Pardon?" Jefferson asked, sounding confused.

"I thought the point of this dinner was for you to try and seduce _me_ not the waiter at this place." James mumbled, cutting up his steak and taking a bite. It was so good, he almost forgot what he was upset about.

Jefferson raised an eyebrow, amused. "Are you jealous?" He asked, sipping from his wine.

James scoffed and rolled his eyes. "No. I'm just saying, if you want to fuck someone maybe you shouldn't flirt with someone else in front of them."

"Unless they're the jealous type." Jefferson said with a triumphant smirk.

"I'm not jealous." He hissed. James clenched his mouth shut and he fumed in silence for a moment. "How do you know him? Just out of curiousity." He added quickly.

Thomas smirked, picking at his food. "We may have slept together." He shrugged. "A couple of times." He added, leaning closer. "He wasn't bad, but I'm sure you'd be better." He purred, winking.

James set his mouth in a hard line and kicked Jefferson's shin underneath the table. "Fuck!" Jefferson cursed. "Why the hell did you do that?"

"You were making me uncomfortable." James crossed his arms, looking triumphant.

Jefferson took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "You know, James, that was immature."

James shrugged carelessly. "I don't want to be here, I'm not enjoying myself, and I've asked you not to flirt with me."

"And I've asked you to give me a fucking chance!" Jefferson exclaimed, exasperated. "Listen James, I'm not asking for much. Two hours where we have a simple conversation where you're not automatically hating and ridiculing everything I say."

James wanted to argue, but for whatever reason he didn't. "Alright." He sighed. "I'm sorry I kicked you."

"I'm sorry I flirted with the waiter and made you uncomfortable." Jefferson responded.

And just like that, things were back to something resembling normal.  Jefferson was a bit quieter, he didn’t flirt with James as much and James made more attempts at conversation than before. But James still felt odd.  He kept wondering why he had gotten so upset. He didn’t care who Jefferson flirted with. He shouldn’t care. Why did he seem to care?

They finished their meal in this odd new state of being. Jefferson paid the check and the two were out of the restaurant. Jefferson offered to walk James home and James didn't see it as an offer he could refuse. He was already probably close enough to losing his job. If this could help him not to at all, he would suffer through a couple of awkward minutes.

"Well this is my place…" James said, stopping at the door to his appartment building.

"Listen…" Jefferson sighed. "I know Lafayette's probably told you all about me and my relationships." He shook his head. "You probably don't trust me, hell, you might even hate me." He looked James in the eye. Thomas reached up and put his hands on James' shoulders. “But holy shit I want you, so badly.”

“I...” James didn’t know how to respond. How does one respond when someone says something like that? "I…" He wanted to look away, but he couldn't pry his eyes away from Jefferson's desperate gaze. He wanted to run, but he couldn't move. His heart was pounding in his chest so loud Jefferson must have heard it.

 

* * *

Thomas couldn't take it anymore. He grabbed James' shirt collar and in a movement that was a mix between Thomas leaning down and pulling James up, he closed the space between them and he kissed James. He closed his eyes.

James didn't respond to the kiss. His eyes were wide. Thomas' lips were warm and tasted like the wine they had been drinking. The kiss was rough and demanding and far from perfect. Thomas pulled him closer, his hands grasping at James' shirt. He moved his hands down to James' waist, pulling him so that his hips were pressed against Thomas'.

James tried to convince himself that he didn't want this. But fuck he wanted it. Every touch from Thomas sent fire underneath his skin in every direction. He stood frozen, refusing to give into him.

Thomas pulled away an inch, his breathing heavy and uneven. "Fuck." He panted. "I need you." He pressed his forehead against James'.

James pushed away from Thomas. "No." He said, trying to catch his breath. "I'm not doing this." He proclaimed, stepping away from Thomas. "Goodnight Thomas." He quickly opened the door. He shut the door behind him and slumped against it. _Shit…_

Thomas stepped away from the door. He put his head in his hands. "Shit…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys I barely know how to write kisses, I'm working on it. Anyways, thanks for reading! Sorry about the wait, and I hoped you liked it! Also, this is a bit shorter than usual, but I wanted to end it there, so yeah.  
> Finally, happy Easter (no better way to celebrate than with gay fanfic) <3


	7. Running

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a new chapter up!!! And I got it up pretty quickly and stuff! So yeah, hope you like it and thanks for reading!

Thomas banged on the door to the office of the man that owned the restaurant that Thomas took James to. A bodyguard opened the door and stepped aside to let Thomas in. Thomas looked around the room distastefully. It was brightly lit and ornately decorated. Almost every piece of furniture had some sort of gold lining.

"Hello Jefferson." A voice tinted with a British accent greeted. A man with short dirty blond hair sat behind a desk in a large chair that almost resembled a throne. On the arm of the chair, leaning into the man, was the waiter that served James and Thomas.

Jefferson pulled out his wallet and slammed a ten dollar bill on the desk. "Thanks for letting me use your little boy toy. It didn't work though this time." He scowled.

"He's not my boy toy." The owner frowned. "Sammy's my fiancé." He kissed the man's cheek.

Thomas rolled his eyes. "That's not legal. Even you're not above the law, Georgie."

"I know, but I love him." George said, looking happily up at his lover. "I don't care if it won't happen. This is the closest we can do."

Thomas rolled his eyes. "You're disgusting."

"Because we're happy?" George asked, shooting a glare at Thomas. "You were happy before. Now you're just a pissed off cynic."

Thomas turned to leave. "Exactly. See you next time."

* * *

James walked into the bar at the normal time and pretended that everything was normal. He pretended he still had a job. He stayed quiet, not saying anything to Lafayette or Mulligan. He didn't complain or argue if Lafayette tried to pass off some of his work to James. Everything had changed.

* * *

Thomas was miserable. Not only had he fucked up what was probably his only chance with James, but thanks to the spectacular way he fucked up, he probably wouldn't even see James again. He would have been happy to stay in his office and mope all day, but Lafayette dropped by.

"Thomas, mon ami, there is something wrong with our latest recruit." Lafayette said, with a concerned voice.

Thomas' eyes widened. "He's here? He's actually came?" He jumped out of his chair.

Lafayette looked at Thomas, confused. "What do you mean? Of course he is. You are paying him to be here, are you not?" Lafayette frowned.

"Of course I am, but…something happened." Thomas said, not wanting to go into further detail. "Bring him in here." He ordered, sitting back down into his chair, trying to calm himself.

* * *

"Monsieur Jefferson wishes to speak with you." Lafayette said, touching James' shoulder.

"Shit." James muttered. "Goddammit, shit, fuck!" James let out a string of curses, slamming the tray he was holding down on a nearby table.

"Whoa…what is wrong, mon ami?" Lafayette asked, raising his hands up in defense.

"I'm gonna lose my fucking job, that's what!" James exclaimed.

"But you haven't done anything wrong?" Lafayette said, confused.

James paused, realization dawning on him. "You're right. I haven't done anything wrong. He can't fire me!" James exclaimed.

James rushed to Jefferson's office, leaving a confused and slightly startled Lafayette in his wake. James knocked on the door, pushing all of his frustrations from the past few days into pounding on the door. Jefferson opened the door and James stormed in. "You can't fire me!" He exclaimed. "I haven't done anything wrong, except rejected you!"

Jefferson's eyes were wide. "Fire you?" He said, incredulously. "You think I would fire you for rejecting my advances?" He raised an eyebrow and shook his head. "You've made me out to be such a villain in your mind. I am not going to fire you."

James froze, feeling like an asshole. "You're not?"

Jefferson shook his head. "I'm surprised that you came back." He admitted.

"I need the money." James said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Ah. Didn't have anything to do with the blossoming feelings you have for me?" Jefferson joked.

James froze. _How does he know? Wait he doesn't know. He's joking, only joking._ James assured himself. He rolled his eyes. "They're nonexistent."

Jefferson smiled sadly. "That's what I thought." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "We should talk about last night."

James felt his heart stop. "Alright…"

"I just wanted to say, I'm sorry." Jefferson said, sounding like he had to force out the words. "I didn't want to push you away, but as you can probably tell, I really like you. Hell I even paid to flirt with that dumb waiter to try and get you jealous." Jefferson quickly snapped his mouth shut. "Shit. I wasn't supposed to say that." He groaned.

James raised an eyebrow, trying to fight back a smile. "You paid him?"

"Him and his crazy boyfriend." Jefferson muttered, looking down. He put his head in his hands. "You must think I'm insane."

"Yes." James responded simply. "And sir, I'm sorry, but I'd like to just keep my job and keep any interactions professional."

"I understand." Jefferson sighed. "Don't think this means that I'm going to give up on you." He smiled slightly.

James rolled his eyes. "I would prefer it if you give up on me. But I can see that's not going to happen anytime soon."

Jefferson shrugged. "What can I say? When there's something I want, I'm willing to fight for it. And I want you." He stood and walked around his desk. James thought of the kiss and felt heat rising to his face.

_"But holy shit I want you so much. Fuck I need you."_

"I-I know." James muttered, looking down to avoid Jefferson's gaze.

Jefferson smirked, "I know somewhere deep down you want me too." He stepped closer to James.

"I…should get back to work." James said quietly, turning around, heading to the door.

Jefferson sighed. "You can't run away forever." He called.

James opened the door and closed it behind him. _Maybe I can't run away forever, but I can sure as hell try._ He thought, walking back to the kitchen.


	8. Closing Early

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter!!! I feel like this is a bit of a trope, but oh well. Hope you like it anyways! Thanks for reading!

"Why are we closing early tonight?" James asked Lafayette, taking a wet glass from him and drying it off.

"The last Friday of every month, Monsieur Jefferson lets us close early and drink." Lafayette explained. "Free of charge, as many as we want, until one." He smiled. "Monsieur is a good man, no?"

"No." James frowned, putting away the glass. "I'm not particularly fond of him."

"Oh?" Lafayette said, surprised. "Well…would you like to join us for drinks?" He asked. "I don't believe Monsieur Jefferson will be there."

"Why not?" James asked suspiciously, furrowing his brow.

A small smirk grew on Lafayette's face. "I saw him taking a pretty young girl into his living area."

James scowled. "Is that so?" He asked through clenched teeth.

Lafayette looked at James startled. "If it makes you feel any better, I heard from Miss Schuyler that he called the last girl the wrong name."

The corners of James' mouth twitched upward in a smile. "Oh really?"

Lafayette laughed. "Yes, he called her James." He froze, realization dawning. "I-I mean Jamie! He called her Jamie!"

James frowned down at the counter. He looked up at Lafayette. "You know, I think a couple of drinks could do me good."

"Wonderful!" Lafayette exclaimed. "Hercules will be waiting for us with drinks, once we are done."

 

* * *

"So mon ami, you must tell us," Lafayette slurred, currently on his fifth drink. "Why…why do you despise Monsieur Jefferson so much?" He asked, draping an arm over a similarly drunk James.

"Okay…so you see," James started. He paused to take a swig from his fourth drink. "Ever since I got here he's been trying to," James made several gestures towards Jefferson's office. "Get me to sleep with him. I told him, I said I wasn't interested. But he isn't listening to me!"

"That's not so bad!" Lafayette scoffed, leaning now on a relatively sober Mulligan.

"It gets worse!" James exclaimed. "So last week, he asked me to go to dinner with him. I told him I wasn't interested, but he said it was dinner or my job." James looked around, making sure that they were paying the right amount of attention. "So I have to agree. We go to this really nice restaurant. And everything's normal for a while. But then the waiter comes and that asshole starts fucking flirting with him!" He huffed, drinking from his glass. "So I get pissed, then he gets pissed, and then we make up."

"That's…interesting." Lafayette said.

James shook his head. "So we finish up our meal and he walks me home. We're at my appartment and then bam!" James banged his fist on the table. "He kisses me."

"Mon dieu." Lafayette shook his head, drinking.

"So…so I'm standing there and he's kissing me and I don't want to admit it, but I'm thinking…maybe I do want him like that. Like it's crazy, but have you seen him? He's gorgeous!" James sighed, looking sadly at his drink. "But he's such an asshole and I don't know what to do…"

"Go to him." Lafayette said, putting a hand on James' shoulder. "Tell him how you feel."

James rose unsteadily to his feet. "I'm gonna do it." He slurred, starting to stumble to Jefferson's office.

"Laf, I'm not sure this is a good idea-" Mulligan started to say, until Lafayette shushed him with his finger.

"Do not stand in the way of love." He whispered, drunkenly.

"I'll be taking this." Mulligan took Lafayette's glass.

* * *

James pounded his fist against the door, his heart sounding as loud as his knocks. He was going to do it. He was going to give Jefferson a piece of his mind. "Jefferson!" He shouted through the door.

"What the fuck?" Jefferson demanded, opening the door. "James, what do you want?" He asked, running a hand through his hair.

"Why do you always open the door, naked?" James exclaimed in frustration, seeing his boss in nothing but his underwear once again.

A small smile tugged at the corners of Jefferson's mouth. "Is that what you needed?" He asked, jokingly.

"No. No." James shook his head, tearing his eyes away from Jefferson's abs. "I wanted to talk to you about that kiss."

Jefferson raised an eyebrow, leaning against the doorframe. "Alright."

"I'm still pissed that you kissed me." James said, clenching his fists by his sides. "I'm really fucking pissed that you kissed me. And you know why? Because I think I actually liked it."

Thomas' eyes widened. That had not been what he had expected to hear. Even drunk and barely standing, he never thought James would admit that. _Take what he says with a grain of salt. He's drunk off his ass._

"I might actually have fucking feelings for you and now you just stand there staring at me!" James exclaimed.

"What do you want from me?" Thomas sighed, rolling his eyes.

"I don't know!" James huffed. "A little emotion! Surprise, confusion, excitement?" He suggested. "Maybe another kiss…" He said, more softly, lowering his gaze.

Thomas sighed. "I'd love to take you up on that, but tomorrow you'll despise me again. And I don't want to make matters worse. But why don't you come in for a cup of coffee?" He offered, stepping back from the doorway.

James frowned slightly, trying not to feel too discouraged. "Okay…" He stepped into the office.

 

* * *

"Laf, he's going in there with him." Mulligan said, with a concerned glance to the office.

Lafayette grinned and laughed. "Good for him!" He stood. "Come Hercules. It is time for us to return to our homes."

"I don't know how I feel about leaving him and isn't there a girl in there?"

* * *

"You'll have to stay in here." Thomas said, leading James to sit down on the couch in his office.

"So you _do_ have a girl in there!" James exclaimed, trying to stand up again.

"Yes, I do." Thomas said, pushing James down onto the couch by his shoulders. "If I had known you'd be adamant to confessing to me tonight, I wouldn't have let her stay, but sadly I am not a psychic. So please stay here." Thomas straightened up, and started toward the door that led to the rest of his dwellings.

"Wait…Jefferson," James said, looking down. "If you like me then why did you sleep with someone else?"

"Because I don't like to be alone."


	9. Coffee At Midnight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT I'M SO SORRY THIS IS LATE. I have exams next week so teachers have been piling on work and I have rehearsals for my school's play everyday till about six, so I haven't had much downtime to write. Anyway, again, I'm SUPER sorry. Thanks for reading, have a nice day! <3

"Coffee at midnight?" James asked, raising an eyebrow.

"It'll help with the hangover. And it'll sober you up a bit." Thomas explained, sitting beside James on the couch. "So, how're you feeling?" He asked, tucking his feet up under him.

James didn't respond. He took a sip of his coffee and stared studiously at Thomas, beginning at his face, then moving down to his torso and then back to his face. "Why do you do that?" He asked, frowning.

"Pardon?" Thomas asked, raising an eyebrow, and sipping from his mug.

"Why are you always all," James made a hand gesture in his direction. "All attractive and stuff." He pouted.

"Okay, James. Do you want me to leave?" Thomas asked, sighing and turning to get up. "I can get you a blanket cause there's no way I'm letting you walk home like this."

"No!" James exclaimed quickly, reaching out and touching Thomas' knee. "No." He repeated quieter, not moving his hand. James put his coffee on a coffee table and leaned forward. He touched Thomas' face with the hand not already touching him. Thomas didn't move, but watched James with interest.

James closed the distance between them, gently pressing his lips against Thomas'. It was slower and softer, and perhaps it was the booze talking, but James enjoyed this kiss much more. He slid his hand down to Thomas' thigh, before Thomas pulled away.

"Look James, I like you." He stood and put his mug on the coffee table. "And believe me, I want you. But not like this. When I make you mine, I want you to be fully aware of everything, not in some drunken stupor. I want you to remember it. I don't want to be a one night stand that you regret. Alright?" Thomas tilted James' chin up so he was looking him in the eye. "You're going to remember every breath, every touch, every word." Thomas breathed. He stepped away from him.

James nodded in awe, unable to say anything. "I'll get you a blanket." Thomas said, walking towards the door that led to his office. He returned a minute later with a blanket. He tossed it to James, and gave a small wave. "Good night, James." He left the room.

"Good night." James muttered. He touched his lips and looked down at the blanket. What the hell did he just do? Why did he want to do it again?

 

* * *

"Why is there a man asleep in your office?" A girl asked Thomas, glancing nervously at James.

"A friend of mine." Thomas said, putting a hand on her back and gently nudging her to the door. "He got too drunk last and I didn't want him walking home."

"Oh Tommy, you're so sweet." The girl smiled and put a hand to her chest. She leaned up and kissed Thomas.

Thomas pulled away quickly, glancing over his shoulder at James, who still seemed to be asleep. He looked back at the girl, combing his mind for her name. "Alright, goodbye…Betsy" He said, hoping he got the right name. He prepared himself for her to slap him.

"Goodbye Tommy." She smiled, kissing his cheek and walking out the door.

James sat up as soon as the door was closed. "Tommy?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

Thomas smirked, leaning against the door. "Just a little something my lovers call me sometimes. Better get used to it." He winked. He pushed off of the door and walked over to James. "How's the hangover?" He asked, a hint of concern in his voice.

"Not too bad." James shrugged, avoiding Thomas' gaze.

"So about last night…" Thomas trailed off. "How much do you remember?"

"All of it." James muttered, feeling his face heat up.

"Okay." Thomas nodded. "So…" He sat beside James on the couch. "The bed's open now and you're sober." He smirked.

"Ugh!" James groaned, putting his head in his hands.

"That's a no?" Thomas asked, smiling teasingly.

"I'm not saying I like you, but if I did, I wouldn't just sleep with you!" James exclaimed. "You just use whoever you want for sex and then leave them on the street to rot! Even if I did want you like that I wouldn't just fuck you!"

Thomas rolled his eyes, crossing his arms. "James, I've owned this place for a while now, meaning I've learned quite a bit about the effects of alcohol. One thing I know for sure is that drunk people are shitty liars, so even though you don't want to admit it, you like me. At least a little. And maybe you forgot, but I could've fucked you last night." Thomas argued. "Last night, you came to me! And you kissed me! Not the other way around." Thomas closed his eyes, letting out a sigh. "James, I don't just want your body. I want you."

"I don't like you." James insisted, shaking his head. At this point it was a stretch, a lie that even he wasn't really believing anymore.

"You kissed me!" Thomas exclaimed, moving closer to James on the couch. "Did it really mean nothing?"

"I was drunk!" James huffed. "Of course it meant nothing!" He was lying, waiting for Thomas to call his bluff.

"I don't believe that." Thomas said, shaking his head. "Tell me honestly that you don't feel anything towards me! Tell me you're not even attracted to me!"

"I feel nothing." James snapped, getting to his feet. He started walking to the door.

"You can't avoid me forever." Thomas called after him.

James turned his head to look at Thomas. "I quit."


	10. Feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly less late than last time! (I think) I don't know when the next chapter will be up, but I'm gonna try to get it up in good time. Also finally got it up to 10,000 words! Wow!  
> Thanks for reading and leaving kudos and comments! Also shout out to Elfyne for the best comment ever on the last chapter

Thomas didn't want to leave his office. He ran his hands through his hair, getting a bottle of liquor out from underneath his desk. He tried to remind himself that he didn't actually like James. James was just another conquest, albeit a more difficult one. He didn't actually care about him. He just wanted to sleep with him then move on. Maybe if he slept with him he could stop thinking about him.

Thomas didn't bother pouring himself a glass, he just drank from the bottle. Normally he'd go out to the bookstore to speak with Burr, but today he didn't want to. He didn't want to move. He just wanted to stay and drink and not think about James. Shit. He just thought about him again.

Thomas briefly entertained the idea to go to James' apartment. But what would he do once he got there? He couldn't just knock on the door and kiss him. Or just say something stupid like, "I wanna fuck you," or "I love you." Thomas froze, putting the bottle down on his desk. Did he really just think about telling James he loved him? Not necessarily a bad idea. He could do it like that. James might give in if he thought Thomas would stay. But he would be so heartbroken when Thomas left.

There was a knock at the door. Thomas scowled, "What do you want?" He demanded.

Lafayette entered the room, looking concernedly at Thomas. "Um, mon ami, you see I remember James coming in here last night, but he's late for his shift. What happened?" He glanced at the door that led to Thomas' living quarters. "Is he still in there?" He asked, a small smile tugging at his mouth.

Thomas picked up his liquor and knocked the bottle back, swallowing several mouthfuls.

"James," Thomas muttered, scowling at his bottle. "James is an ass. An incredibly attractive ass." Thomas moaned sorrowfully, burying his head in his hands. "What did I do wrong? I was a perfect gentleman last night, I didn't do anything! He kissed me! He touched me! He wanted to fuck me! Why is it the other way around when he's sober?"

Lafayette tried to fight back a laugh. "Is this the first time someone's rejected you?"

Thomas picked up his head and scowled at Lafayette. "No."

"Then why is this affecting you so badly?" Lafayette asked, amused. "Could you have actual feelings for him?"

Thomas scoffed. "I fucking hate feelings. I don't get them. He's just so…hot."

Lafayette laughed. "Everyone has emotions, mon ami. You can't just turn them off." He clapped his hands together. "Do you want me to talk to him? Where is he?"

"He quit."

 

* * *

James looked through the newspaper, searching for job opportunities. A frown graced his face as he read through the offers. Although working for Jefferson had it's problems, the pay was good and the job wasn't unbearable. He sighed, putting down the newspaper and running a hand over his face.

Why did he kiss him? Even with the copious amounts of alcohol in his system, he should have never even thought about doing something ridiculous like that. He had to admit it. No matter how small it was, some part of him wanted to be with Thomas. He thought of the feel of the man's lips against his and how he had practically begged him for anything. He shook his head, feeling his face heat up.

And through all of it, Thomas refused him. Thomas, who had taken every opportunity to get into his pants, refused to take advantage of him when he wasn't entirely aware of what he was doing. A shiver ran down his spine as he thought of Thomas' words. James ran a hand through his hair reminding himself that it was Thomas' own selfish thoughts that led him to refuse him.

James put his head in his hands. He shouldn't have quit. It was stupid and immature of him. It was a good job, except for the fact that Thomas kept flirting with him. And even that he didn't really mind anymore. James rose to his feet and ran a hand through his hair. If he went and apologized he could probably get his job back, with only a few negative repercussions. He stretched, giving one last disdainful look to the newspaper. He grabbed his jacket, walking over to the door. Just as someone else was walking up to the door.

 

* * *

"Lafayette?" James asked, confused. "How did you know where I live?"

"M'sieur Jefferson informed me." Lafayette explained. "And about the good M'sieur-"

"I know, I know." James huffed. "I was just on my way to apologize." He crossed his arms across his chest.

"Apologize? Why?" Lafayette asked, tilting his head slightly. "M'sieur asked me to come here to apologize on his behalf. Are both you you wishing to apologize at the same time?" He asked. "If so, then let's go!" He grabbed James' wrist and pulled his out the door.

"Now James, mon ami, you know that Thomas is not as bad as he seems." Lafayette said, as the pair were walking back to the speakeasy. True he is a little rough around the edges, but once you get to know him, he is a very kind and considerate man."

James rolled his eyes. "I just need my job back." He said. "And besides, I don't think he wants to get to know me. At least not my personality."

Lafayette furrowed his brow. "What do you mean?"

James cleared his throat. "His…lust for me."

Lafayette let out a loud laugh. "Mon ami, I believe what he is feeling is a bit more than lust."

"How would you know?" James rolled his eyes.

"I know m'sieur very well and I went to speak with him earlier. You left him distraught and more miserable than I have ever seen him!"

"Oh…" James looked down, feeling slightly guilty.

"And I'm sure only part of that was because of his lust!" Lafayette joked.

"Oh." James felt his guilt disappear. They arrived at the speakeasy and James bit his lip. What was he going to say?


	11. Apologies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp this is pretty late. Sorry!!! Hopefully this makes up for it though, cause this chapter is a pretty good one (I think) So yeah! Tell me what you think! Thanks for reading!

James stared at Thomas' door, gathering up the courage to knock on the door. He lifted his fist and thought once again of what sort of thing he should say. Something along the lines of, "I'm sorry, what I did was stupid and I'd really appreciate it if I could get my job back." He debated whether or not he should tell Thomas that he liked him. Just to make sure he got his job back. He tried to convince himself. He was trying to manipulate the situation. That was all.

He sighed. Who was he kidding anymore? He was interested in him. And if the subject of feelings came up, then he would tell him. But what would happen after that? He didn't know. But James could gurantee that no matter what happened, he wouldn't let Thomas take advantage of him.

He frowned slightly. Since when had he been thinking of him as Thomas? That seemed too personal, but at this point he couldn't bring himself to think of him as Jefferson again.

James shook his head. He was getting off track. He lifted his hand up again and knocked on the door before he had any more intrusive thoughts to distract him from the task at hand.

Thomas opened the door and immediately a frown marred his features. He looked exhausted. "What do you want?" He demanded, crossing his arms.

So much for _him_ apologizing. James sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "I wanted to apologize. I was rude earlier, especially considering that you didn't take advantage of me when you could. And I wanted to see if maybe I could get my job back?" He asked, stepping in to the office and trying not to get his hopes up.

Thomas looked at him, genuinely surprised. "You're apologizing?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

James lowered his gaze and nodded quickly. "Yeah."

"Oh…" Thomas said, looking at James confused. "But I should be apologizing. I'm the one who kept pushing you."

"No, no, I should've given you a chance." James shook his head.

"I should've stopped when I saw you were uncomfortable." Thomas said.

James rolled his eyes. "Either way, I'm sorry." He said.

"I'm sorry too." Thomas sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I should've known that you weren't interested after the first couple of tries."

James bit his lip. "Actually…"

Thomas' eyes widened in surprise. "What? Really?" Thomas closed the door behind James.

"Maybe." James nodded sheepishly. "I'm willing to give you another shot." He said softly.

"A-alright." Thomas smiled. "Would you like to sit down and talk?" He asked, gesturing to the couch.

"Um…" James swallowed a lump in his throat. "Sure, sure. But I'm not really interested in sex at this point." He said, feeling that Thomas needed to know this. He sat down on the couch on the edge of his seat.

"Then what's even the point?" Thomas asked jokingly.

"To get to know you and see if maybe one day I would want to persue that." James looked down at his hands.

"Oh?" Thomas raised an eyebrow, draping an arm over the back of the couch. "Well ask away, James. What do you want to know?"

"Um…okay." James bit his lip, thinking. "How long have you lived in New York?"

"About eight years now." Thomas nodded. "Soon as I turned eighteen I left old Virginia and made my way to make my fortune."

"You're from Virginia too?" James asked. Thomas nodded. "Hm." James hummed, a small smile on his face. "Okay did you always plan to run this type of business?"

"You never plan to run this sort of business." Thomas laughed. "This was originally just a bookstore. Then they started cracking down on alcohol and a friend of mine asked me to help him get rid of some. He makes the shit, I sell it. We share the profits."

"So…how many people have you," James cleared his throat, "Been with before?" He asked, afraid of the answer.

Thomas' eyes widened in surprise. "Oh…uh…" He bit his lip trying to contain his nervousness.

"That's okay." James said, forcing a smile. "From what I've seen, I'm not surprised."

"I wasn't always like this, I swear." Thomas shook his head.

"What happened?" James asked softly, scooting closer to Thomas.

"I'd rather not say." Thomas rubbed the back of his neck, avoiding James' gaze. "Let's just say the last serious relationship I had didn't end well." He sighed.

"Oh." James muttered, looking away. "I'm sorry for asking."

"No, that's an understandable question." Thomas said, touching James' cheek and turning his face so James was looking back at him. "You've gotta be nervous about me and this…" Thomas trailed off, glancing at James' lips. Thomas ran his thumb over James' cheek. "You're so beautiful." He breathed.

James felt his face warm up at Thomas' intense gaze and compliment. "I…uh…thank you." He said, glancing away from Thomas.

"I…can I?" Thomas asked, not looking away from James' lips. He leaned closer, stopping about an inch away to wait for his permission. James nodded his head slightly, unable to form any words.

Thomas closed the distance between them, pressing his lips against James' gently. The kiss was slow and soft, as if Thomas was ready to stop at any sign of discomfort from James.

It was several seconds into the kiss before James realized that he didn't really know what to do. He tried to match Thomas' movements, but he was panicking slightly. Thomas surely had much experience while James has only kissed anyone twice before. The first time he was too surprised to really do anything and the second time he was drunk.

Thomas pulled away, "Is everything alright?" He asked, looking at James concerned.

James nodded quickly, his face red. "I just…um I've never really kissed anybody before you." He admitted, looking down.

"I could tell." Thomas said, teasingly. "Now, where were we?" He moved closer to James.

James leaned back into the arm of the couch, avoiding Thomas' kiss. "Don't be an ass." He said.

Thomas raised an eyebrow. "Don't you want to practice kissing to get better?" He suggested, positioning himself over James.

James looked up at Thomas. "Actually I'd rather get to work." He said quickly, maneuvering himself out from underneath Thomas. "I'll drop by once I'm done." He promised, looking over his appearance in a mirror nearby. "Goodbye Thomas!" He left closing the door behind him.

Thomas fell face first onto the sofa with a groan. "So close."


	12. Something More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SHIT I'M SO FUCKING SORRY. THIS IS SO LATE, I'M SO SORRY. In other news, this story has reached 100 kudos!!! So in honor of that I tried to put a little bit of everything in this chapter. Also there's a lil mention of death in this chapter, nothing graphic or anything, do I need to put it in the tags? I'll probably do it just in case. Anyways, thanks for reading, thanks for waiting, and I hope you like it!

****James walked to Thomas' office. He wasn't very sure about returning to Thomas. He had decided to give him a chance and the kissing wasn't bad. But still it all made him a little nervous. Regardless, he did make a promise to return, so that's what he was going to do.

* * *

Thomas was sitting at his desk, glancing at the clock every other moment to make sure that James hadn't left yet. Thomas felt a bit nervous, James' shift should've ended five minutes ago. Was he going to stand him up? Maybe he just forgot. Thomas thought back to their kiss. There's no way in hell James could forget that. And if he did, maybe Thomas would just have to remind him.

The door to the office opened and Thomas looked up quickly, a smile growing and disappearing in a moment. "Angie, what are you doing here?" Thomas asked, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms.

"Your little boy toy was standing out there." Angelica smiled, mischievously. "So of course I had to have a little talk with him."

"What the fuck did you say?" Thomas exclaimed, jumping from the chair.

Angelica shrugged, perching herself on his desk and crossing her legs delicately. "Tommy, you don't have any siblings around, so you don't have anyone to protect you. That's gonna be my job." She smiled over her shoulder at Thomas.

"I don't need you to protect me." Thomas scowled, walking around his desk to glare at her. "Now what did you say?"

 

* * *

"What are your intentions with my dear friend, Tommy?" Angelica asked James, crossing her arms over her chest and looking him up and down.

"Tommy?" James asked, raising an eyebrow. "He said only his lovers call him that." He said.

"I'm an exception." Angelica shrugged. "It frustrates him." She smiled. Her smile left as quickly as it came. "Now, your intentions?"

James bit his lip. "I just want to spend time with him and see if maybe I like him." He muttered.

"How do you want to spend time with him?" Angelica asked suspiciously.

"Not the way he wants to spend time with me." James muttered looking down, his face reddening.

Angelica smiled. "That's adorable. Alright, you can come 'talk' to Thomas in a bit." She said, heading into the office.

* * *

"Oh my god, Angie you can't just-" Thomas huffed.

"Thomas." Angelica interrupted him, a serious expression on her face. She slid off of Thomas' desk and grabbed his hands. "Don't hurt him." She shook her head. "You had to work for him. He has feelings for you, however small they are, they are there."

Thomas yanked his hands out of hers and crossed his arms across his chest. "Angie, you know what happens."

"Yes." She said curtly. "Yes, I know. Heartbreak fucking sucks. And love can hurt and it's not always easy. But you can't just shut yourself out and live alone, fucking whoever shows interest!" Angelica exclaimed.

"You don't understand!" Thomas exclaimed, his voice climbing to a shout. "The love of my fucking life! Dead in my arms! You don't know what it's like!" His voice fell back to a whisper. "I don't want to go through that again."

Angelica pulled Thomas into a quick hug. "I know it hurts. But you can't just let it stop you from living life and being happy." She pulled away from him, looking him in the eyes.

Thomas forced a smile. "I am happy." He said quickly. He took in a deep breath. "And I'm not going to hurt him." Thomas looked at the door. "I think you should go Angie. James is waiting."

Angelica frowned, stepping towards the door. "Fine. But you're going to have to address this eventually." She opened the door and saw James waiting there. "He's all yours." She sighed, walking away quickly.

James stepped in warily. "Hello Thomas."

Thomas offered a strained smile, leaning back and placing his hands on the desk. "James." He greeted.

"Are you alright?" James asked, stepping towards Thomas.

"Just a little stressed." Thomas sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"Oh…" James nodded, looking down. "Is there anything I can do?"

A small smirk grew on Thomas' face. He walked around James and quickly pinned him against the desk. He placed his hands over James', pressing them against the desk. "If you're offering…I believe you may be able to help me relieve some tension." Thomas breathed, looking down at James.

James took in a sharp breath. He looked down at where their bodies were touching. He looked quickly back up at Thomas, eyes wide. "T-Thomas…" He stuttered out.

"Are you willing to assist me?" Thomas asked, softly, raising his hand to touch James' cheek.

"W-what would that entail?" James stuttered out, looking down once again.

"I think you can figure it out." Thomas leaned down, capturing James' lips in a heated kiss. He bit James' lower lip, taking advantage of the man's surprise to slip his tongue into his mouth. James made a small noise of surprise, his eyes wide. Thomas pushed James up so he was sitting on the desk. He wrapped his arms around James' waist.

James put his hands on Thomas' shoulders and pushed him away lightly, trying to catch his breath. "T-Thomas…what are you doing?"

"Do I have to spell it out for you?" Thomas asked. He kissed James' cheek then moved down to kiss along his jawline and neck. His fingers moved to the top button of James' shirt, struggling to undo it.

James felt a shiver run down his spine. He pushed Thomas' hand away from his shirt. "Thomas…I'm not ready." He shook his head.

"I…I understand." Thomas said, sounding disappointed. He stepped back, letting go of James.

James felt the loss of Thomas' warmth. "W-wait!" He exclaimed, quickly. "We can keep kissing." He suggested, looking down. "I'm okay with that." He said, his face reddening.

Thomas smiled, leaning down and kissing James softly. He picked James up and walked over to the sofa. He sat down, sitting James on his lap. "So James, have you ever dated anyone before me?" Thomas asked.

James shook his head, burying his face in Thomas' neck. "No." He muttered.

Thomas laughed. "You're adorable." He said, smiling.

"I bet you say that to all the guys." James murmured. Thomas didn't respond. James looked at the clock on the wall and sighed. "I should go." He said, standing. He leaned down and kissed Thomas quickly. "Maybe tomorrow we can spend a bit more time together?" He suggested.

Thomas nodded. "I'd like that."


	13. Hyacinths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this chapter is a bit longer than usual because I don't know if I'll be able to update (or write at all, really) within the next week. I'm supposed to be in theater till nine all this week so that doesn't give me much down time or anything. So yeah!
> 
> Thanks to everyone who leaves comments and kudos! I love you all so much! And it really makes my day to see them!

There was a knock at Thomas' office door. James pulled away from the kiss, Thomas trailing after him, not wanting to stop. Thomas still had his hands on James' waist and was desperate to return to kissing him.

There was another knock. James looked at the door, then back at Thomas. "Shouldn't you get that?" He asked, a small smile tugging at his lips.

"Whoever it is can wait." Thomas said, leaning back in to kiss James again. "There are more…pressing matters at hand." He said, glancing down briefly before pressing a kiss to James' jawline.

James laughed, pushing Thomas away. He didn't seem to notice Thomas' growing desperation or frustration. James opened the door and let in Angelica.

"Angie, perfect timing." Thomas dead panned, clearly angrier than he was letting on.

"Did I interrupt something?" She asked, raising a delicate eyebrow in surprise, her mouth forming an 'o' shape.

"Yes." Thomas said, crossing his arms.

"Actually, I was just about to go." James said at the same time. He smiled, kissing Thomas' cheek and walking towards the door, waving at the pair.

As soon as James left Thomas groaned, leaning back on his desk. "Goddammit Angie, if I had had a few more minutes then maybe-"

"Maybe you could've gotten into his pants?" Angelica asked, putting her hands on her hips and frowning.

Thomas glared daggers at her. "Maybe." He said in a voice like a growl. "Angelica, I'm fucking dying here! It's been months and nothing! I haven't slept with anyone, I've drunk less, I haven't tried to really coerce him at all, I've been sweet to him. What more does he want?" Thomas demanded, waving his arms around in frustration.

Angelica smirked, leaning forward. "I think we both know, Tommy." She said triumphantly. A horrified look began appearing on Thomas' face. "You want him? Tell him the truth. You're in love with him. You're happy. You don't want to leave him. You don't want anyone but him."

"That seems like a bit of a stretch." Thomas scoffed, looking away from Angelica so she couldn't see his flustered face. "I'm not in love with him." He insisted.

"Sure." Angelica rolled her eyes. "Thomas you have never waited this long for anybody."

"Because no one has made me wait this long!" Thomas huffed, crossing his arms. "I've been able to get everyone else within a matter of days!"

"Except," Angelica smirked.

Thomas shot a glare at Angelica. "I wasn't trying to fuck her. I just wanted to be with her."

"Oh, I know, I know." Angelica sighed, walking over to Thomas and patting his shoulder. "But Thomas don't you think after spending all this time with him that maybe your feelings go beyond lust?"

"No." Thomas snapped. He shut his eyes, refusing to meet Angelica's gaze. "Maybe." He said, softer this time. "But Angie I'm not going to do anything with those." Thomas crossed his arms.

"Why not?" Angelica demanded with a frustrated huff.

"B-because!" Thomas exclaimed, trying to think of how to word his response. "I don't want to get his hopes up only for things to go badly."

"You've already gotten his hopes up! He likes you Thomas! Like really likes you!" Angelica exclaimed. "If you just use him and then throw him away, he's going to feel a lot worse then if you try to form a meaningful relationship with him and for it to go south."

"Fine!" Thomas snapped. "Maybe you're right." He admitted, shrugging his shoulders. "If you think I should tell him that I love him, I will." He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"Oh god no!" Angelica exclaimed. "It's only been like what, a month? Two? For Christ's sake, give the kid a bit more time."

Thomas scowled at her. "Well then what do you suggest I do?" He said, enunciating each word carefully.

"Show him you care."

"And how exactly do I do that?" Thomas sighed.

"Woo him!" Angelica exclaimed. "Romance him! Bring him flowers! Serenade him! Set up a candlelit dinner in Central Park!" She said, gesturing wildly around them. She paused for a moment. "Maybe not that last one, but still, surprise him!"

"Surprise him…" Thomas said thoughtfully.

 

* * *

James had taken a day off of work, and subsequently a day away from Thomas, in order to finally get some work done on his novel. Oddly enough he seemed to find in inspiration for the story in what was distracting him from actually writing it. So far it was the tale of a shy man moving to New York and meeting a much more eccentric man who quickly became his closest companion. Now whether this story would include the elements of romance that blossomed between himself and Thomas, he was unsure. Homosexuality didn't seem to be too uncommon, but writing it down seemed to be another thing entirely.

James sighed, looking down at what he had written so far. Roughly…one page. Truly amazing how much he could get done when he wasn't distracted. But he was distracted so he couldn't actually know how much he would get done if he could actually focus.

Now what was distracting him? None other than his muse of course. Thomas…his Thomas. Even the thought of his name was enough to make James' heart beat a little faster and a small smile grow on his face. They had been dating for almost two months now and James liked him a lot. Maybe it was still a little too soon to tell, but James was starting to think that maybe he could love Thomas. That was a bit of a silly thought though. Although Thomas was clearly taking this more seriously than he had taken previous 'relationships,' he still didn't seem very serious.

There was a knock at the door, quick, yet gentle. James sighed, casting a quick glance at the mostly empty notebook on his desk, pleading for James to keep writing. The knock at the door returned, pulling James out of his trance. He stood, pushing his desk chair in behind him and walking to the door. He opened it to see who it was.

His muse, his Thomas stood at the door, looking much like a nervous mess. In his hands he had a bouquet of flowers, some that were shades of purple, others that were shades of blue.

"I…um…Thomas?" James said, stepping back from the door to let his partner in and glancing from the bouquet back up to Thomas' eyes.

"Hyacinths." Thomas said quickly, holding out the bouquet. "Named for the Greek myth where the god Apollo and the god Zephyr fell in love with a mortal male who ended up dying because of their competition for his affections. Apollo took Hyacinths body and, with his love, he made him into a flower." He explained.

"I…oh…" James said, taking the flowers. He was still surprised by seeing Thomas here and with flowers and a Greek myth about homosexual love. This was a tad unusual to say the least. "Thomas, I'm not meaning to sound anything less than delighted, but what are you doing here?" James asked, looking down at the flowers in his hands.

"I just wanted to see you." Thomas responded, shrugging simply. "If you want, I can go." He offered.

"No!" James exclaimed. "No, you don't have to. I've intruded on your space more than once. You can intrude on mine for a bit."

Thomas bowed his head slightly. "Thank you. What were you doing before I arrived?" He asked curiously.

"Trying to write." James said ruefully, putting emphasis on try.

"Ah." Thomas nodded. "Have you found something to write about?" He asked, moving to stand by James' desk.

"Erm…well actually, yes." James said, looking down sheepishly.

"What is it about?" Thomas asked, looking around the appartment. It was smaller than his living area and less fanciful, so James could only assume he was being judged.

"You." James muttered, looking away from Thomas.

"Me?" Thomas asked confused.

"Well um, a character like you." James corrected himself. "He's sorta based off of you."

"Oh." Thomas nodded, eyes wide. "Is he trying to woo a sweet waiter?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"Not exactly…" James shrugged.

"Then you're missing a big part of my story." Thomas said.

James let out a laugh. "Believe me, I know. I don't know any of your backstory."

"You want to?"

"Of course! We've been dating for nearly two months and I barely know a thing about you!" James exclaimed, confused as to how he could not want to know more about him.

"Well…" Thomas smiled. "What would you like to know?"


	14. A little bit of backstory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so couple of things:
> 
> First off, I know Jmads had hella siblings too, but we're pretending he didn't here okay shhhhh
> 
> Secondly, little tw for a bit of a description of death and homophobia, nothing too graphic or extreme, but yeah…it's there.
> 
> Thirdly, if you couldn't tell from the previous statement, PREPARE YOURSELF FOR A FEELS TRIP KIDDOS
> 
> And finally, sorry that this one is kinda short, and thanks to everyone for all the comments and kudos. Those always make my day <3

"Nine siblings?" James asked incredulously.

Thomas laughed. "I told you I had a big family."

"Do you keep in touch with them?" James asked curiously.

"I would but sadly, my dearest father condemned me for moving away from dear old Virginia and living a sinful lifestyle." Thomas said, rolling his eyes. "I still send some money back home when I can though."

"Your father is religious?"

"Extremely so." Thomas nodded, closing his eyes and leaning back into the sofa. "You see when you're around people who are so open minded and kind, you forget that there are people out there who aren't like that." He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"He found out you like men?" James asked softly.

Thomas nodded his head ruefully. "He came up to visit and he saw my line of work and he didn't exactly tell me he was coming. My partner at the time was just leaving. He ran into my father and least to say father wasn't pleased." Thomas looked thoughtful for a moment. "Now that I think about it, that stopped me from seeing guys until I met you. Of course there was a time when I refused to see anyone." Thomas froze, fearing the question that was certainly coming next.

"Why not?"

Thomas frowned, wondering why he was even telling James all of this. He didn't care about him _that_ much. Although if Thomas was any less stubborn that could be debated. He sighed, shrugging his shoulders, he already told him this much.

"You see there was this girl, Martha. She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen, kind too, and she could make even a mortician laugh. She didn't take shit from anybody and she didn't give in easily. I had to have her. She was the first person I ever really had to work for. But _God_ she was worth it. She was amazing in every way possible." Thomas sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I loved her."

James felt his heart clench. Why was he so jealous? This girl clearly wasn't around anymore. Thomas was talking about her in past tense. And not to mention if she was still around then Thomas would most certainly not be here. Especially not with the way he was talking about her.

"What happened to her?" James asked softly.

"Robbers…" Thomas trailed off, biting his lip. "We were sleeping peacefully then I heard a noise and I got up, telling Martha to stay behind." He laughed bitterly. "Of course even then she couldn't listen to me." He sighed. "Before I even knew what was happening there was a gun to my head. I don't think they were actually gonna hurt me. But she did. She grabbed the gun and it went off." Thomas shook his head sadly. "She wouldn't let me take her to the hospital. Said she'd rather die with me than surrounded by a bunch of assholes that just want money from us." He took in a shaky breath, closing his eyes.

"I didn't leave my room for a month. I couldn't, I was miserable. She was haunting every second, awake and asleep. I finally got out and I got drunk. I found a girl similarly drunk who, if I squinted, almost looked like Martha. For the first time that night I didn't feel as horrible as I had been. I wasn't alone. There was someone who cared enough about me to stay with me for at least one night. I kept finding girls who were willing and then as soon as it got boring or they started falling for me, I left them. I couldn't deal with any of them even thinking about loving me. I didn't think I could ever feel like that about anyone ever again. I didn't think I deserved it."

"Thomas…" James said softly, putting his hand over Thomas'. He couldn't believe that Thomas actually trusted him enough to tell him all of this.

Thomas didn't seem to hear him. "But then I met you." He looked up at James. "I don't know if this is love, but it's the closest thing I've felt since I lost her. At first I just thought you were cute, but then I got to know you and I-"

James cut Thomas off by grabbing his face and pulling him into a rough kiss. James used Thomas' surprise to his advantage, slipping his tongue into James' mouth. For once in their relationship James felt like he was in complete control. He positioned himself on Thomas' lap, his shaky fingers working on the top button of Thomas' shirt.

Thomas pushed James' hand away lightly, pulling away from James. "James, what are you doing?"

"Am…am I not doing this right?" James asked nervously. "You don't want to…" He trailed off, biting his lip and looking down embarrassed.

"James, of course I do." Thomas said, lifting James' chin and meeting his gaze. "I just want you to be sure about doing it." Thomas ran his thumb over James' cheek.

"I want to make you happy." James said softly, kissing Thomas. He pulled away slightly, "Because…I love you." He was quiet but the words themselves were too loud and important not to be heard. They had hung between them in the air since Thomas finished his story, but now they had actually been spoken.

Thomas only had one viable response. One response he could count on to get him out of even the worst situations. He kissed him, quickly and smoothly. Thomas started working to undo James' buttons, kissing down his jaw to his neck.

James felt miserable. Never before did he think he could be so happy and yet so sad at the same time. He started helping Thomas with his shirt, before he heard the almost miserable sounding whisper. _"I love you too."_


	15. The Coward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo 'nother chapter up and finished! Yeah so stuff happens hooray! Also during the first part I was just sorta listening to Changing My Major from Fun Home so I recommend listening to that cause I used the same sorta vibe and stuff.
> 
> Thanks for reading, I hope you like it. And thanks so much to everyone who leaves kudos and/or comments, they make my day!

James couldn't believe he just did that. He couldn't believe he just did _Thomas._ His Thomas. Who was sleeping peacefully next to him in James' bed. James looked down at the arm wrapped around him. His face was red and his heart was racing and he wasn't sure how Thomas was just sleeping. James turned in the bed so he could look up at Thomas' face. Thomas' gorgeous beautiful face. He looked so serene and without his usual smirk or grin you could almost call him innocent looking. But then he remembered their previous activity and he felt that that would be a far too innaccurate a statement. He was more beautiful than James had ever seen him, with the exception of several minutes ago. 

James felt light headed and giddy. He reached his hand up to touch Thomas' cheek, rubbing his fingers against the stubble on his face. He leaned up and kissed him softly, but Thomas didn't seem to wake up. James thought about trying to wake him, he was sure he could do it, but Thomas was probably so tired, he deserved some rest. 

James was positive he'd be sore for a week, but he decided that it was well worth it. He could understand why Thomas liked that so much. And while it hadn't really been what he imagined happening today or how he imagined their first time happening, he wouldn't have it any other way, because he loved Thomas and Thomas loved him…right? 

* * *

James woke up feeling significantly colder than when he fell asleep. He opened his eyes groggily, finally feeling the exhaustion from the previous night set in. He lifted his head up, looking around for Thomas. He looked on the bedside table hoping that maybe he left a note…nothing. 

James sighed, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and throwing the blanket off of him. He shivered, being used to wearing pajamas or underwear or something to bed. He ran a hand through his hair, realizing that it would probably be best if he showered. Thomas would just have to wait a little while to see him again. At the thought of Thomas, he couldn't help the small smile that appeared on his face. 

* * *

Thomas felt guilty as hell. "Coward. Fucking coward." He muttered, scowling at his face in the mirror. He splashed his face with water, hoping to make his disheveled appearance better. "He opens up to you, he trusts you, he…he _fucking loved you!_ And what do you do?" His reflection was still as bedraggled as it was when he first came in. "You fuck him and leave him in the middle of the fucking night." 

He was disgusted with himself. He ran a hand through his hair, turning away from his reflection. He hated how he looked right now. His face was ragged, proof of his sleepless night. He had pretended to sleep while James sat mumbling to himself about how much he loved Thomas. At one point he even leaned up to kiss him. 

Thomas felt like a piece of shit. How could he just pretend for one night? Why didn't he pretend a little longer? Soften the blow. Make it seem like he wasn't just using him. Thomas realized that that would probably have made it worse. No it had to happen this way. James could get over it. He had to.

* * *

After James went through his whole morning routine he hurried over to The Revolution, wanting to see Thomas before his shift and maybe get an explanation. He knocked on Thomas' door, still feeling slightly giddy from the night before. He wondered if maybe when Thomas opened the door, he'd see James and be overwhelmed. Maybe he'd kiss James immediately and tell him that he loves him or maybe they'd do…other stuff. Either way James would be overjoyed.

James knocked on the door again. Still nothing. Maybe Thomas was still sleeping. He must've gotten up pretty early to get back here. James thought about asking Thomas for a key. Sure it was a little fast, but that way he'd be able to visit and surprise Thomas whenever he felt like it.

James waited another five minutes before he shrugged, guessing that Thomas was asleep or something. He walked back to the kitchen, hoping that Thomas was going to be alright.

* * *

James was starting to get worried. He saw Angelica walking in and hurried over to her. "Hey Angelica, do you know if Thomas is alright?" He asked, nervously. "I've knocked on his door everyday for the past week and he hasn't answered. We haven't spoken at all since…never mind." His face heated up. 

Angelica's eyes widened. "James, you didn't!" She exclaimed. "That bastard." She scowled, glancing toward's Thomas' door. 

"No, no! I started it." James insisted, his face red. "I told him I love him and after that things sorta just…well they just happened." James said, a small smile coming across his face. 

Angelica looked at James with a pitying gaze. "I'll try to find him." She said, patting James' shoulder. "In the meantime try not to think about him too much." She suggested with a shrug. "He does this sometimes. Just disappears for a while. I'll let you know as soon as I find him, alright?" She offered. 

"Thanks Angelica," James nodded, he hugged her quickly before returning to work. 

* * *

Thomas was hiding. He couldn't help it. He had been hoping that James would've forgotten about him by now, but no such luck. Everyday he came by the office before he started working and then again when his shift ended. Thomas didn't know how much longer he could take this. 

"Thomas Jefferson!" A woman's voice screamed from the other side of his office's door. "You no good, lousy, piece of shit, bastard!" She pounded on the door. "You open this fucking door right now or I promise you that I will break it down!" 

Thomas groaned, opening the door and pulling Angelica in. "What do you want?"


	16. Undeserving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya know, the other day I was thinking. Lin's said he's read Hamilton fanfic before. And I wonder if he still does. And I'm torn between wanting to know and really not wanting to know if he does or not. Cause like, a man that I look up to and have a lot of respect for could be reading my trash. Idk, just a lil food for thought before we start the actual shit
> 
> Anyways thanks to everyone who reads, comments, and kudos, I really appreciate it!

"You good for nothing, lousy, low down, shitty, fucking, asshole!" Angelica shouted, picking up a magazine off of a table and throwing it at Thomas. "How could you fucking leave him?" She demanded, raising her fist, but not wanting to strike him. "I bet you didn't even wait till the fucking morning! Did you lie to him and tell him you loved him? What the fucking shit Thomas?" She shouted, finally lowering her fist and crossing her arms. "I can't even fucking look at you." She sighed, looking away from him with a disappointed and frustrated expression.

"I-I didn't know what to do…" Thomas said, softly, looking down. The large and usually intimidating man seemed to shrink with every name she called him. And the worst thing is that Thomas knew he deserved every word and many more.

"If you're so fucking insistent that you don't love him then you should have told him and left." Angelica hissed, looking him again.

"Angie…I…I think I do love him." Thomas said uncertainly.

"Then go out there and fucking apologize!" Angelica demanded, pointing at the door.

"I…can't." Thomas shook his head quickly, sitting behind his desk and shrinking into the chair. "T-this feels different than with Martha. What if I don't love him? I-I think I do, but it's been so long…what do I do?" He looked terrified, and for a moment Angelica almost felt pity towards.

"Alright, listen up, you pathetic piece of shit." She said, putting her hands on her hips. "You got butterflies in your stomach? You nervous around him? You wanna kiss and hug him?" She asked. Thomas nodded. "You love him." She stated simply.

"What do I do?" Thomas asked, his voice almost pleading.

"He's been coming by everyday when his shift ends, right?" She asked, raising an eyebrow. Thomas nodded, staying in silence in his seat.

"Today when he comes by you're going to, surprise surprise, _open the fucking door."_ She said slowly, as if he needed the time to soak in each syllable.

"And?" Thomas asked. "What's my excuse? Why have I been avoiding him?" He asked, unsure whether he was directing the question towards Angelica or himself.

"Okay, this is gonna be another shocker to you, but you're gonna tell him the truth!" Angelica said, sarcasm lacing her words. "That you're a coward that has commitment issues, but that you really like him, maybe even love him, and you want to try harder to have an actual relationship."

"But what if he hates me when I tell him?" Thomas asked.

"You get on your damn knees and you fucking grovel for his forgiveness." Angelica said. "If he seems like he's not pissed, assume he is anyway and try your fucking hardest to make it all up to him. Worship the fucking ground he walks on."

"And if he says no?" Thomas asked softly, as if he knew the answer, but was afraid of hearing it.

"You stop pursuing him."

 

* * *

James looked up at the door nervously. The dark mahogany of the wood stared back at him expectantly. Angelica had said that Thomas was waiting for him. And James couldn't help but wonder if he had been trying to avoid him. James reached out towards the brass doorknob. He could see his reflection in the knob, all nerves and fidgeting hands. He grabbed the knob and turned it. It was unlocked.

"Thomas?" James called out meekly, hoping that Thomas was okay and happy to see him.

Thomas jumped up from his seat and bolted over to James. He wrapped his arms around him, burying his face into his shoulders. "James." He repeated his name over and over again.

James reveled in the embrace for a few moments. He threw his arms around Thomas' neck. He could almost cry he was so happy. He wanted to tell Thomas that he loved him a thousand times.

Then he heard Thomas say, "I'm so sorry, James. I fucked up and I'm so sorry." And his happiness, his joy, it all disappeared. James pushed him away, a hard expression hiding his fear and concern.

"What the fuck did you do?" James demanded.

Thomad flinched slightly at the cold tone of voice. "I-I was hiding from you." He admitted, looking down.

James stepped back, looking betrayed. "Y-you what?" He asked, his voice cracking slightly. His mind was running wildly trying to make sense of it all. "Hiding from me…were you gonna just leave me without telling me? Is that why you left in the middle of the night?" He stepped further away from Thomas.

"I'm sorry, James." Thomas said, reaching towards him. It was all he could think to say. It was the only thing that seemed appropriate.

"Did you think I'd forget about you so quickly? That I'd somehow get the memo and quit my job?" James asked, his voice wavering. He stepped back, closer to the door. His eyes started to fill with tears but he refused to look away from Thomas.

"I'm sorry." Thomas' voice was softer.

"Am I not good enough? What did I do wrong?" James' hand was on the doorknob now. Tears were freely flowing down his cheeks as he started to ask the question he was most afraid of the answer to. "Did…did you lie when you said you loved me?"

"James I-" Thomas took another step towards James, reaching for him.

"Was it a fucking lie, Jefferson?" James asked, putting enough venom into the name to knock Thomas backwards. "Did you really only want to get in to my pants? Was everything a fucking scheme?"

"At first, but James I really do love you." Thomas said quickly, sounding desperate. The only time he could remember sounding so desperate was when he was losing Martha. How come it took Thomas so long to find someone he loved, but as soon as he found them he lost them. It didn't seem fair.

"Goodbye Mr. Jefferson." James turned the door handle and hurried out.

Thomas Jefferson knew it all along. He never deserved a second chance.


	17. Write It Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is reaaaaaally short and it's preeeeeeetty late. And I'm veeeeeeeery sorry!!!! I just wanted to get something up for you guys, ya know? Really sorry.
> 
> Also I don't think there are gonna be too many more chapters for this story. The most to expect is about three more, I think. So thanks for sticking around and reading and commenting and leaving kudos. It really means a lot to me.

James couldn't remember ever crying like this before. He could hardly remember the last time he really cried, period. But here he was. He hadn't even made it to his sofa before he broke down. He barely made it into his apartment, but he did, falling against the door and desperately trying to wipe tears away. They just kept coming.

He couldn't blame himself for getting upset, Thomas was so much to him. His first kiss, his first relationship, his first love, his first time, and his first betrayal. James knew he never should have trusted him. He should have known.

But how could he have known? Thomas was so clever about it all. He made it truly seem like he cared about James. The big romantic gestures and the dates. And the fact that he didn't see anyone else after they were actually together. And he told him so much. What if it was all just a lie? Every single fucking word.

James wanted to hate him. He wanted so badly to scream at him and curse him out and just hurt him…but he couldn't. He couldn't do that to someone he loved. The only person he's ever loved like that. Maybe the only person he'd ever love like that.

What was he going to do? What could he do? He couldn't stay home and cry for weeks on end. He had to pay rent and he had to buy food and he had to find a new job, he couldn't just go back. He had a bit saved up, but not enough for him to make it long. And his novel was a bit of a bust, although he did get about a chapter done. Hell maybe his misery was just the sort of inspiration he needed. Perhaps instead of working on his book he would write some depressing poetry until he felt better. That would work.

* * *

Thomas couldn’t breathe. He needed something to drink. Something to take his mind off of it all. Someone to take his mind off of it. Something, A distraction. Anything. There was a knock at the door, he didn’t move or respond, hoping that it was James, but knowing that it wasn’t. Whoever it was they could fucking wait or go the fuck away.

"Thomas?" Angelica called softly, opening the door. She saw him sitting on the floor, his knees pulled up to his chest. She walked over to him and sunk onto the floor beside him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. "I'm sorry."

"A-Angie…" Thomas muttered. "I-I love him, Angie." He said, burying his face into her shoulder. "And I fucked it up. My last chance at love and I fucked it up."

"Thomas, you can't really think that." Angelica said, rubbing soothing circles on his back. "A handsome guy like you will find someone in no time." She assured him.

"That's not the point!" Thomas exclaimed, his voice hoarse and rough with emotion. "I don't _want_ anyone else. I want James. There's no one else out there who I would want."

"Thomas, I'm sorry." Angelica said softly. "Did you tell him how dumb you were? And how sorry you are?"

"I didn't get the chance." Thomas mumbled, looking down.

"Write it down."


	18. Idiots

****After three days, James had finally stopped crying. He didn't think he had anymore tears left to cry. He was running low on cash and he needed to get out and do something. He had to. He would probably die of a broken heart if he didn't do something to get his mind off of things.

He rolled out of bed. _The bed where he first spent the night with Thomas._ He shook his head. He couldn't keep thinking like this. He had to move on. _Thomas had probably moved on already. No doubt he was probably in bed with some girl. He had probably forgotten James' name already._

James bit his lip, taking in a deep shuddering breath. He had to move on. He stumbled over to his bathroom, to shower and shave. He got dressed, looking for something he didn't remember wearing with Thomas. He got dressed and started towards the door, he had to get a job.

There was a knock on the door. James was absolutely terrified. What if it was Thomas? He was the only person that's been to his apartment. He felt sick. He was going to throw up. Maybe he should open the door just to throw up all over Thomas. Although that seemed a little juvenile for revenge. And if Thomas was here it was probably to apologize. James couldn't do it, open the door or throw up on Thomas, as much as he wanted to do either one. He couldn't take the heartache of seeing him again.

"James?" The knocker called. It…it wasn't Thomas? It sounded like a woman.

James opened the door hesitantly. "Angelica?"

Where James had been crying and writing for the past three days, Thomas had been doing much the same, although he usually had more alcohol than James had. He poured all his sorrow, all his guilt, and all of his love into a letter. And he gave it to Angelica to deliver to James.

"I-I can't Angie…he hates me. He doesn't want to see me." Thomas had said to her tearfully, successfully convincing her to be his mailman, or rather woman. So there Angelica was, at James' apartment.

James looked at Angelica, realization dawning on his face. "What does he want?" He asked miserably. "I don't have anything of his. Unless he finally decided he wants my heart. If so it's already broken." He mumbled, biting his lip.

Angelica looked sadly at James. She stepped forward and pulled him into an awkward, but well meaning hug. "I'm sorry." She told him. "He feels terribly James. He hasn't left his room."

"Poor Jefferson." James spat, pulling away from her. "I…I don't want to forgive him." James said, looking away. "Angelica, he was my first kiss, my first love, my first…time."

"I know it hurts. And believe me I know how much of a fucking idiot he is. But he's hurting too. He was just a scared dumbass. Please consider forgiving him." She pulled an envelope out of her purse. "He wrote this for you." She said.

James looked down at the envelope and slowly accepted it. "Thank you for bringing this…" He mumbled biting his lip.

Angelica nodded. "He also told me to give you this." She handed him a small bag. "It's you're latest pay." She said. "Goodbye James. I hope to see you again." She pulled him in for another well meant hug. "I put my phone number in the bag if you need it."

"Alright, thank you." James nodded to her as she left his apartment.

He looked at the envelope. He couldn't decide whether or not he wanted to read. He felt like a young bride who's groom is fighting across the sea, upon receiving a letter. It could be amazing and wonderful and completely redeem his faith in Thomas and his faith in love. Or it could make him miserable. He couldn't stop himself. He ripped open the letter, ignoring the careful cursive _James_ on the envelope.

_My dearest, James,_

_I can't express my deepest sorrow and regret for hurting you. I wish I could go back and change what I did. I wish I had stayed. But I didn't and I am a complete and total idiot and I understand if you never wanna see me again._

_James I was afraid. Love terrifies me. When you love someone you put part of your heart with them and when they're gone you're never quite the same. I was so worried about preserving myself that I didn't even think about you. I didn't think about what I'd be doing to you. And I didn't notice that you had already taken your share of my heart._

The rest of the letter continued in much of the same way, apologizing and telling him how much he loved him in more flowery language. James continued to read it. He read through it three times before he was satisfied. He closed his eyes, leaning his head back and sighing. Thomas was an idiot. But he was an idiot that James was in love with. And maybe James was stupid for wanting to be with him, but if so he would happily be the dumbest man alive.

James had to see him. He had to see him and tell him that he forgave him. And he wanted to hold him and kiss his stupid face until he couldn't breathe anymore. He loved him and he had to let him know.

James ran. He ran like hell was coming up right behind him. He refused to waste anymore time without Thomas knowing. He didn't think about what he'd say to him. He just ran until he was at The Revolution. Then he ran to Thomas' office. He didn't even bother knocking, he threw open the door.

There James was, disheveled and out of breath, staring at Thomas who was sitting at his desk, looking miserable. Their eyes met and Thomas stood hesitantly. "James?" He said softly, walking around his desk.

James ran into his arms, nearly knocking Thomas off of his feet. "You're a fucking idiot." He mumbled. "You're really really fucking dumb, but I love you so much." He said.

"James, I'm so sorry…I really am just so fucking stupid." Thomas mumbled, wrapping his arms around James. "I love you so so much and I'm so sorry that I let you go."

James cupped Thomas' chin. "I love you." He said, kissing Thomas desperately.

Thomas kissed back with the same fervor. He pulled away slightly after a moment. "I promise, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you."

"Good." James kissed him again. And again. Because even though Thomas was a complete and total idiot, he was James' idiot. And they wouldn't have it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is the last chapter! So I've had a lot of fun writing this fic and I hope you've all enjoyed reading it. Thank you all so much for reading, commenting, and leaving kudos. I really really appreciate them all. Not gonna lie I had sorta wanted to start more shit for them, but I didn't know exactly how to fix it and I want them to be happy in the end. I also figured that this fic has been dragging on enough as is so yeah.  
> Anyways thanks again so much, I hope you enjoyed it. And if you haven't already you can check out the other fics I've written. Thanks so much!  
> ~The End~


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